TFLN 📵📵📵

[formidable]

TFLN MUSELIST This is TFLN, you know how this works. This will mostly be for Lien Kha, but you can request anyone else on my muselist above. Without further ado, here are the prompts below. a) "it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body" b) "Consume your own penis you ugly freak." c) "Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!" d) "Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…" e) "Let the record show that I hate your ass." f) "You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???" g) "I need advice on ways to politely say “**** you on your way to hell" h) "Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans." i) "I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines." j) "had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN"

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J.

[deduces]

[ it's a jamjar situation now, don't question it ]

Not to mention that it would be murder.

[ hello to you too, Lien. ]

"Wrong number"? Unless you're turning yourself in, of course.

[psychometer]

Listen

I don't know if you've ever gotten your ass surreptitiously grabbed, but that's gonna be my villain origin story

[ She's as colorful as ever isn't she? ]

I'm SO close to slamming the lid done on this gig though so I'll try to hold out

But if you do see a body on the news

Well

1/2

[deduces]

I have, and it's called being underestimated. Use it to your advantage.

[ Holmes??????? ]

However. Confession duly noted.

[deduces]

[ 15 minutes later: ]

Addendum: if you and your clever little eyes are in need of a second pair, I /am/ available.

[psychometer]

Well

You're starting to hole up in your room again and as we all know, Sherlock Holmes does need to be aired out every now and then

On the other hand, I'm certain that the probability of a gun and/or fistfight increases by like, 30% when I involve you

Don't ask me about the math, it's all in my head and it is infallible and correct

[deduces]

So that's a "yes, I'd like you to be there."

[psychometer]

AND you have the ever so ANNOYING habit of loosening up the knots and tying up the ends before I do and that's just terrible detective etiquette

[ But after so long, one notices she's not telling him to stay away, and her mention of etiquette when her own is just as equally as questionable as Holmes? Laughable. ]

Can you get me an iced coffee before you come over?

[deduces]

[ Being called annoying is basically a compliment by nowー when hasn't he been irritating?

The coffee, though: ] Get it yourself.

[ And, afterwards: ]

Your location?

[ He will arrive, in fact, with iced coffee. ]

[psychometer]

Make sure it has whipped cream in it!

[ And demanding and as much as she tries to get away with as much as possible, Lien will in fact pay him back for the coffee. ]

Big finance building with the ostentatious gold signage. Top floor, private suite, two bodies. Motive is two dueling mistresses of one of the higher-up board members (Mr. Ass Grabber), both found dead, and while I was able to see what took place, the POV (point of view) has been obscured so that last remaining factor is the last 'how' and 'who.'

Sound fun enough?

[deduces]

[ Whipped cream in iced coffee sounds absolutely abhorrent to Sherlock Holmes, who casually drinks formaldehyde when he's bored. ]

An adulterer and the carnage he's left behind, then. Fairly commonplace, in relative terms.

[ Is that cold to say about two dead bodies and a murderer on the loose? Possibly. He's learned that making it personal never helps. ]

And yet, worth taking a look.
Try not to leave more bodies in your wake while I freshen up.

[psychometer]

[ Once they're done wrapping up this case, she is going to talk his ear off about the glorious Einspänner. ]

Can I break an arm
Wait not even an arm
Just a finger
missing one can't hurt, except for the thumb

[ So she jests, but she's circling the crime scene frowning and trying to take in the details before she touches anything else.

That being said, it does sound like she wants to have at it at said adulterer, but again, not good for work... ]

[deduces]

The ring finger, then. For dramatic irony.

[ He isn't advocating violence, but he's also like. Not not advocating it, either. Some men deserve to get their fingers broken.

That said, he makes himself marginally more presentable, which means that he shrugs his robe off, finds a jacket, and tries to put a tie on. There, he almost looks less like something you'd pick off of the street.

Away he goes, coffee in one hand, still checking his texts with the other. ]

[psychometer]

[ She is avoiding the client who is STILL trying to subtly(?) invite her to "discuss details and procedures" of the case, but Lien is a smart cookie who pointedly ignores him and lets the surrounding authorities talk to him instead.

So while she's waiting, she'll throw theories at Holmes. She usually doesn't have many people to throw her wayward thoughts at, but what better person to entertain the Lien Express than the world's greatest detective? ]

I'm thinking it's a third mistress or lover. The third wheel so to speak.

[deduces]

/Does/ this financier of ours do any work at all, I wonder.

[ Three entire mistresses. (In his head: "sounds tedious".) He's briskly making his way through the city, head buzzing, sifting through minute sounds and actions with manic attention. ]

I wouldn't trust him with my taxes, let alone the city's.

[ He doesn't even pay taxes here in jamjarland, which is the point. ]

[psychometer]

Some people have incredible time management skills
So not only can they make money, but they also have the time to do crime

So if you or I ever start having a super strict schedule we adhere to 100%, we need a contingency plan against one another

[deduces]

I assure you, that day will never come.

[ Time management???? A myth. ]

I am curious, at any rate, what a contingency plan against you would entail.

[psychometer]

If you draft up something, I'll look it over to give you feedback
But it'll probably start by bribing me with something sweet to drink, let's be real

[deduces]

Right.
You wouldn't make it past a day in the villain business, then.

[psychometer]

You will find, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, that no one and I mean NO ONE
Will ever beat me in the business of Absolute Nuisance™

[deduces]

Debatable. But you do make a compelling argument.

[ wow that is rude ]

On my way up now. Is our financier still giving you trouble?

[psychometer]

He's out of the room and it's just a few policemen lingering around with me.

I'm trying to see if there's anything else I can pick up before you get here. I don't think there was a third person in the room during the initial assault, but... Mm. I guess the room smells a little weird?

[deduces]

[ Already piecing things together: alliances gone awry, potential for use of medical gas to induce some sort of unconscious state. Difficult for a third party to come into a scene of a squabble unannounced and remain unscathed, which means mistress 1 or 2 must've tried to gain some sort of advantage? Too little facts to corroborate his suspicions. ]

Very "weird".

[ The elevator pings, the policemen try to push Holmes back, and he holds up his iced coffee. ]

Don't shoveー [ oof. Trying to sidestep another policeman: ] ーas you can see, I'm...

[ Like sandpaper: ] ...With the girl. [ Hmph. ]

[psychometer]

[ Despite the protests, the policemen don't hold him back once Lien waves him over. She's squatting with one arm resting on her knees and the other is holding up a face towel, covering up her nose.

(She tries not to overdo it with her 'sight,' but it's inevitable.)

With a muffled voice, she brightly calls out to him. ]

Yay! Coffee!

[ One of the few people who can go 'YAY' around two dead bodies. GG Lien. ]

[deduces]

[ Good thing she's in the company of a manic alcoholic detective who acts more like a feral and maladjusted dog than a real person. That said: ]

Lien. [ In lieu of a greeting, he hands her her coffee. Then, he cranes forward, big eyes framing his tired face. ]

Ah.

You're bleeding. [ To the tune of: please don't make me concerned, I distinctly have no idea how to deal with that. ]

[psychometer]

Wow! You are a detective!

[ Lien helps by being completely insolent as usual. She takes the coffee and rubs her nose in one circular motion before taking a sip. Refreshed and beaming at Holmes, she points to the crime scene. ]

This is turning out to be a peculiar case since everyone was an unreliable narrator when I tried to see through their eyes. They had no idea what hit them.