[He almost finds himself doing a double-take when Amelia walks through that door— because as casual as he would have liked to have been about meeting her, he'd given up on trying to keep himself from watching the door. Some men may have let her efforts go unnoticed, but Gale feels his breath catch in a way that makes it incredibly difficult to keep the boundaries they had set in mind, just for a moment.
Inwardly, he curses himself for not having thought to change; he'd almost talked himself out of even freshening his cologne while issuing himself the reminder that he shouldn't read more into all of this, but now he's especially glad he hadn't.
She sits, severe as ever, and he offers her a smile— something he's certainly caught himself doing a lot more of since they had been spending more time together.]
Amelia. You look—
[Lovely, really. Stunning. Was he supposed to comment on how she looked? Was that too much, all things considered? He quickly reroutes, putting the focus on himself for just a moment, instead.]
There's a faint scent of cologne coming from him; it's hard to miss as she sits down and if she were a weaker person, it'd make her dizzy. Instead, Amelia's back remains straight and she casually brushes some of her hair behind her ear as if unaffected by his greeting.]
It's a bar, not a high-class restaurant. You're fine. [There's a beat; she's trying to reevaluate her response.]
We both look appropriate.
[conceal don't feel.....]
Well, in any case, we have our alone time together which is well-deserved after today's incident.
The visceral reaction he has to those words is wholly involuntary, his heartbeat momentarily deafening, and he swallows as he quickly schools his expression to keep it from showing through. Had she meant to phrase it like that? Was this—
No, she had made her stance clear. They had decided, together, to define their relationship in a different way entirely. The day had taken its toll on both of them, it would seem.]
Well-deserved, indeed.
[He exhales, his smile softening as he finds himself feeling a bit more at ease. He raises a hand to beckon the bartender over, tipping his head.]
What will you have? I'm feeling the need for something rather strong, after all that, especially if we're limiting ourselves to just one.
[Her expression is as inscrutable as it can be. Internally, however, she's reprimanding herself for inadvertently blurring the lines, but she does trust Gale to read the room appropriately.
(Even if deep, deep, down, if things were different and she wasn't such a mess...)]
I'll be savoring it since it's just the one. We're certainly not in a rush after today's excitement.
... Which again. Thank you.
[She turns in her seat to make direct eye contact to communicate the sincerity of her thanks.]
I don't know what will happen next, but it feels safe to say I got some of my way with your help.
[He offers up his order after hers, and the bartender gives the pair of them a smile and a nod before retreating to make the requested drinks.
He shakes his head as she thanks him again.]
It was my pleasure— as much as it could be, given the situation. I don't have much tolerance for bullying. I think it was the both of us pushing back that made him reconsider. Bullies don't like to be outnumbered.
[He's sure they haven't heard the last of him, but for now, he's grateful for their victory.]
Whatever comes next, I've no doubt you'll handle it well. There are more seasoned professors than you who would have been afraid to maintain their position the way you did, given his influence.
There was two of us pushing back, but you do have seniority over me as well. If I brought up my complaints against him, it would only hold so much water.
[Sighing, Amelia turns again to rest her arms on the counter.]
And to tell you the truth, I almost gave into the temptation to throw my drink at his face. He might have been counting on it.
[She rests her face in one hand and taps the surface with her other fingers lackadaisically.]
If it had been a few years earlier, that might have happened. I've mellowed out, believe or not.
[He looks caught somewhere between surprise and a laugh for a moment, settling for allowing his smile to pull to one side, amused.]
I almost think I'd have liked to see that, though I don't know that it would have been worth the consequences.
[Certainly a sight, however, and he can't say the dean doesn't deserve it, especially given some of the things he's heard. The dean is probably fortunate he hadn't lived up to his whispered reputation regarding certain inappropriate behavior in this case— Gale might not have been able to stop himself from doing something more than scolding.]
So you're saying that was the calm, relaxed Amelia Steinbeck? Well, that certainly offers some perspective. I— pardon, I should make sure this isn't anything urgent.
[He feels his phone vibrating where he had slipped it into his pocket upon her arrival, and shifts to pull it out so that he can see who's messaging him.
Almost immediately, he wishes he hadn't.
Ariel Manx Gale, exactly WHAT did you say to Dr. Raphael? What's this I hear about threats?
It is the first of several messages. Those that follow aren't nearly as mild, and he furrows his brow, setting his phone on the bar face-down.]
Fortunately, I did learn early on that being an unapologetic firebrand wasn't going to further my career options.
[Even if the dean definitely deserved it, the consequences would have fallen squarely on her. Assault charges anyone? Reality's ugly head rears itself for the reckless.
Before she can even quip back, Gale takes out his phone. In the meanwhile, their drinks are served, so Amelia partakes in her whiskey sour while not so subtly glancing over at him checking his messages and taking note of his reactions.]
[He sighs, pausing to offer the bartender a nod of thanks as he accepts his drink, the scrunching the bridge of his nose as he turns his attention back to Amelia— who he is far more interested in talking to than the woman who is currently texting him.]
It would seem word of my butting heads with our friend the dean has already reached Dr. Manx. She has some rather choice words about how that reflects on our department.
[He's prepared to handle the consequences of his actions, but he would rather be reprimanded by anyone else, quite frankly.]
A problem for another day. Given we stand on the side of academic integrity, I don't regret it for a moment.
Considering I pulled you behind a bookshelf in order to avoid having to speak to her, I likely owe you some answers. I did say I would tell you, only that it was best left for another day.
[That day may as well be today. Besides—]
We're friends, yes? We should be able to be honest with one another.
[At the very least, he doesn't seem to feel she's overstepped, but he does steel himself for what's to follow by taking a long pull from his glass. It helps, marginally.]
Most people in our department at least know that we were involved professionally— part of the same research group at a different university some years ago, doing work that made quite a few waves in our field. Ariel— Dr. Manx— has always been a very private person, for better or for worse, so it wasn't quite so well-known that we were involved personally, as well, though I never cared to keep it secret.
[He pauses to take another drink, and his gaze is fixed on the rows of bottles in front of the mirror behind the bar, rather than looking directly at her. An air of heaviness seems to settle over him, and the lines of his face harden ever so slightly.]
Professionally and otherwise, I built my life around her. Doing so turned out to be a grave mistake. As you can probably imagine, learning she was coming here to take over as dean was not exactly glad news.
[Amelia is quiet as she listen's to Gale's explanation, her brow creasing ever so slightly as it goes further on.
So what she had surmised back at the library as true; it was an involvement of a personal nature and it hadn't ended well at all. He said he built his life around Dr. Manx; Gale's dedication wasn't only to his work, but in whatever he poured his heart into the most, including people.
Including herself.
How much have I hurt him already?
Loyalty to a person isn't foreign to her. In fact, it's eerie how much she can relate even if Amelia expresses herself differently from him.
But the way Briar had hurt her clearly wasn't the same as whatever Dr. Manx did to Gale.]
Were you taken advantage of? Because of your closeness?
[Dr. Raphael had alluded to it; Dr. Dekarios' shaken academic integrity, being discarded by Dr. Manx... The pieces are taking shape in her mind.
This is why, to Amelia, work and love don't mix. Lines cross and become horrifically entangled and it would appear Dr. Manx did not have second thoughts about leaving someone in pieces.]
In the end, you're still here. Why work in the same department, much less the same university with someone with whom you have bad blood with?
[His brows knit further together for a moment before he lowers his glass, echoing her softly.]
Taken advantage of... perhaps. I never saw it that way, then. I might now.
[Hindsight often brought with it great clarity.
Ah, but Amelia asks all the right questions, and he shakes his head.]
Stubbornness, I suppose. Like yourself, Dr. Manx is a new arrival here— shipped in fresh from Baldur's Gate to fill a vacancy at the start of the term. Before then, it had been some time since we'd crossed paths. Two years, perhaps? [It felt like an eternity, when he remembers how he had spent the first several months of that stretch, especially.] I've been here for years, working hard to build my career— I'm up for tenure in the next couple of years, for goodness' sake. I suppose I don't feel I should have to leave.
[Not when she's come to his territory. It wouldn't be fair. He exhales, giving Amelia a wry smile that doesn't reach his eyes.]
Of course, she doesn't think there should be any bad blood between us. She thinks I'm being unreasonable, I expect. That messy business with the article discrediting my work, the unreasonable class load I've been pushed to take— I'm certain it's all with the intent of getting a rise out of me.
[Tenure is no small matter. Of all of their colleagues at Waterdeep University, Gale is more than suitable for it. Amelia can't imagine him in any other role. Dr. Manx's presence when he's in a position to earn it doesn't bode well to her.]
... As an unreasonable woman myself, I think I have grounds to say that she's one herself.
[Her hand pulls her glass to her lips before continuing.]
Or I should say, unreasonably vindictive.
May I ask what ended your relationship to begin with?
I can't say I disagree with you on that point. That first night you and I met— I had just learned about her taking the position a few hours before.
[He laughs softly, a hollow sound before he takes another long drink from his glass. Undoubtedly, that explains a fair bit about the state she'd found him in that night, out drinking alone, restless, grateful for the pleasant distraction.
As for the rest— even if she hadn't asked him, he'd intended to tell her. Until now, he had really only spoken about this at length with Tara. His own mother didn't know all the details; largely because it had been more than just painful, but it had been humiliating. Even now, he looks back and sees wasted years and a man who had been so certain of himself that he'd been unable to see what was right in front of him.
He lowers his glass again, his expression somber as the heavy bottom of the glass softly clicks against the bar.]
We were together a long while— well over five years, and had known one another even longer. I couldn't imagine there was anything I wouldn't have done for her. The vindictive woman she is now is, in many ways, entirely foreign to me. I thought we were happy, that we were both precisely where we wanted to be, and I was so sure that we wanted the same things. I asked her to marry me.
[He takes in a sharp breath. Another drink, and he averts his gaze from her again, unable to look Amelia in the eye for this next part.]
That turned out to be a problem when I learned she was already married— had been for years, even before we had met. I found out rather abruptly when she brought her husband to a benefit, after years of keeping him a secret— from me, from everyone. I think... the fact that he had apparently known about me all along made it worse, somehow. More humiliating. He didn't even consider me a threat to him.
[He very, very quickly downs the rest of his drink all in one go.]
And even then, she tried to convince me that I should be happy to continue things as they had been, that nothing had changed, and I was furious for having been lied to and made a fool of. I can't say I cared for being made party to adultery, either.
[If she had been wondering about how it could get even worse, Gale's revelation cinches it. It was much worse than Amelia could initially surmise. There's a sharp intake of breath and then she rubs her forehead from the sheer secondhand pain that she felt from the information.]
Gale... Gale, that's just...
[Never mind her own role post-relationship; she's taken in by the enormity and immorality of it all. What on earth was going through Dr. Manx's mind? It's completely alien to Amelia, who, for all her faults, recognized that Gale's qualities as a scholar, as a teacher, as a person of integrity were genuine. He hadn't spoken of his ex-lover because what they had meant that much. Spurned as he was, it hadn't gotten in the way of how they became friends after their own stumbling beginnings.
She swerves in her seat, her head shaking vigorously.]
You did not deserve that. What the hell was sheโ what is she even thinking now?
[Her voice has gained a tight, frustrated edge. She was angry on his behalf. It wasn't fair; Amelia's own part during their first encounter made her feel even more agitated, having wanted to use her time with him for purely selfish reasons though she had no way or reason to want to know what had ailed him.]
Did she expect you to just... Continue with the affair? Didn't any of your feelings matter to her?
[He can't help but to feel validated as the edge of anger makes its way into Amelia's voice. He had never doubted that he'd had every right to be as angry as he was, to feel as betrayed as he did, but that he had never allowed himself to speak of it meant he'd had a lot of time to have countless unproductive conversations with himself where he'd often wondered what he could have done differently, how he might have helped himself see the truth sooner.
His glass empty, he rakes his fingers through his hair, a faint twitch pulling at the corner of his mouth as he casts an appreciative glance at Amelia.
It's nice to feel heard, even if it's been over for ages now.]
I don't know that I'll ever understand her reasoning, even if she thought to explain it to me.
[It's complicated, he knows; all of it is made so much worse by the fact that he knows what they had shared had been real, as much as it could have been when Ariel had, apparently, not been willing to let it become a facet of her 'real' life. They'd spent so much time together that she had, more or less, taken a five year vacation from her marriage, and he had never been the wiser.
Nothing has ever made him feel quite so stupid as learning that particular truth had.]
I think it's safe to say that my feelings didn't matter much at all. It's been— tense since she came back here, to say the least. I'll admit, there was a long stretch after all of that where I was... [He gives her another wry little smile.] Let's just say I doubt you would recognize me, if you had the chance to meet that Gale today. It was much easier to put all of this behind me when she wasn't here, however.
[The damage done during that whole affair still ran deep. How had he been so blind? What was more— why hadn't he been enough? Why hadn't she loved him enough to be honest with him, to tell the truth and then to choose him if she had been so unhappy with her marriage?
Why hadn't he been good enough? What could he have done differently?
He hates that he still asks those questions, still doubts himself. It hadn't been his fault. Logically, he knows that, and given the chance to go back to how things had been before he'd known the truth— he wouldn't. Some things, however, defied logic.]
[And what now? It's too easy to jump to conclusions and declare conspiracy, but seeing as how Gale and Dr. Ariel Manx were within the same field and had research that was inextricably a part of them both, there was a foreboding meaning in her continuing presence in his life.
Amelia purses her lips, hiding the grit in her teeth. Then she takes a deep breath and takes a large chug of her whiskey sour.]
Whatever you were like back then what all of this proves, I think, is that you are a much, much better person than me. If I were in your position, I would have burned everything to the ground. I don't know how, but I would.
[Again, don't tempt the wrath of Amelia Eva Steinbeck.]
Today, you're doing good work, Gale. You have your hands full, but I don't see it dampening your passion with your research. You're dividing your attention to your graduate group and your undergraduate courses and I have not heard anyone suffering for it.
Dr. Manx will exist within your gravity, but for better or for worse, you've made the load she's thrust upon you your own. She can't take that from you anymore.
[He chuckles softly; there's a hollow, mirthless quality to it as he looks down to his glass and is reminded that it is, unfortunately, empty. Probably for the best— though it says a great deal that talking about Ariel always drives him to want to drink. He really ought to find a better way of dealing with all that resentment.]
Believe me, I was tempted. Instead, I took some time off— disappeared from view, for awhile. My own mother didn't see much of me while I sorted things out. If not for Tara, I might have done far worse than sulk for a few months.
[Thankfully, Tara had helped him through the worst of it, kept him from letting himself become mired deep within his own misery for too long, from self-destructing yet further.
Now, in the presence, Amelia's reassurance reaches him. It is, somehow, just the thing he needs to hear, and he musters another small smile, this one more genuine than the last, his appreciation for her worn quite plainly on his face.]
Thank you for reminding me of what's important. I— don't know if I believe that I'm managing quite as well as you say, but if that's what you see, then I can only be as grateful as I am flattered. For all that she was involved in foundation of my career, I've earned my place here on my own, without anyone else's aid or influence. I don't intend to let her or anyone else undermine what I've done here— what I hope to continue to do.
[There's nothing else to add, she thinks. From the sound of it, he really was fortunate for Dr. Prescott's interventions, whenever it may have happened. As for Amelia, herself?
... Well, she didn't make anything worse. They were friends now and maybe she's a better friend than she gave herself credit for.]
For what it's worth Gale, I'll be on your side for this, just like how you were on my side today against Dr. Raphael. I know there's little I can do specifically, but if anything happens in the future... I'll be there.
That means a great deal, I assure you. I appreciate it more than I can possibly say.
[Some of the tension that had crept into his neck and shoulders eases from him.]
It was— good to say it all out loud, I think. I haven't, really, not before now.
[Even much of what Tara knew was because she had seen it all unfold, and she had been almost as outraged as Gale was, which made a great deal of sense when one considered just how protective she was of him, the familial nature of their friendship being what it was.
His friendship with Amelia was decidedly different. It was always going to be, given how it started out, but...
Even now, he feels the fluttering urge to reach out and let his fingers curl against her hand on the bar.
He resists.]
Likewise, you know. It wasn't just for today, or only when it's convenient. Should there be any further developments, any trouble... I'll be right behind you. Anyone who would seek to turn your passion for your work against you— that, I cannot abide. You're precisely the sort of person these students need.
[He looks back to his glass.]
One drink wasn't nearly enough for revisiting all of that. I'll have to open a bottle when I get home.
I'd try to convince you to join me, but given that it's your company that matters more than the beverage...
[He lets out a breathless little chuckle, shaking his head before he raises a hand with two fingers lifted to signal the bartender, then gestures to his glass.]
I'll not look a gift horse in the mouth, even if you don't owe me for anything. ... thank you.
[The bartender goes to refill Gale's glass and takes Amelia's order for a cola over ice. Amelia leans her head on her hand and shrugs.]
What are friends for?
[When her cola is served, she swirls its contents around.]
The day is almost coming to an end and we'll both still be troubled academics. Not a bad outcome after everything that's happened to us, don't you agree?
Oh, I certainly do. The day could have ended far worse.
[He inadvertently mirrors her, leaning against the bar to rest his chin in his hand, nodding his thanks to the bartender when his drink comes. He takes his glass and holds it up to toast when Amelia's soda is served, his smile pulling to one side.]
To academia, and the drama that seems to be inherent within. The things we suffer for our passions, hm?
[Because at the end of the day, there's no denying that they are both devoted to what they do, that this is a calling for the both of them— not simply a job.]
If I must be a troubled academic, at least I can do so with a friend.
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sunfloras2024-01-21 09:17 pm
no subject
Inwardly, he curses himself for not having thought to change; he'd almost talked himself out of even freshening his cologne while issuing himself the reminder that he shouldn't read more into all of this, but now he's especially glad he hadn't.
She sits, severe as ever, and he offers her a smile— something he's certainly caught himself doing a lot more of since they had been spending more time together.]
Amelia. You look—
[Lovely, really. Stunning. Was he supposed to comment on how she looked? Was that too much, all things considered? He quickly reroutes, putting the focus on himself for just a moment, instead.]
I'm afraid I'm woefully underdressed.
no subject
There's a faint scent of cologne coming from him; it's hard to miss as she sits down and if she were a weaker person, it'd make her dizzy. Instead, Amelia's back remains straight and she casually brushes some of her hair behind her ear as if unaffected by his greeting.]
It's a bar, not a high-class restaurant. You're fine. [There's a beat; she's trying to reevaluate her response.]
We both look appropriate.
[conceal don't feel.....]
Well, in any case, we have our alone time together which is well-deserved after today's incident.
no subject
Thump.
The visceral reaction he has to those words is wholly involuntary, his heartbeat momentarily deafening, and he swallows as he quickly schools his expression to keep it from showing through. Had she meant to phrase it like that? Was this—
No, she had made her stance clear. They had decided, together, to define their relationship in a different way entirely. The day had taken its toll on both of them, it would seem.]
Well-deserved, indeed.
[He exhales, his smile softening as he finds himself feeling a bit more at ease. He raises a hand to beckon the bartender over, tipping his head.]
What will you have? I'm feeling the need for something rather strong, after all that, especially if we're limiting ourselves to just one.
no subject
[Her expression is as inscrutable as it can be. Internally, however, she's reprimanding herself for inadvertently blurring the lines, but she does trust Gale to read the room appropriately.
(Even if deep, deep, down, if things were different and she wasn't such a mess...)]
I'll be savoring it since it's just the one. We're certainly not in a rush after today's excitement.
... Which again. Thank you.
[She turns in her seat to make direct eye contact to communicate the sincerity of her thanks.]
I don't know what will happen next, but it feels safe to say I got some of my way with your help.
no subject
[He offers up his order after hers, and the bartender gives the pair of them a smile and a nod before retreating to make the requested drinks.
He shakes his head as she thanks him again.]
It was my pleasure— as much as it could be, given the situation. I don't have much tolerance for bullying. I think it was the both of us pushing back that made him reconsider. Bullies don't like to be outnumbered.
[He's sure they haven't heard the last of him, but for now, he's grateful for their victory.]
Whatever comes next, I've no doubt you'll handle it well. There are more seasoned professors than you who would have been afraid to maintain their position the way you did, given his influence.
no subject
[Sighing, Amelia turns again to rest her arms on the counter.]
And to tell you the truth, I almost gave into the temptation to throw my drink at his face. He might have been counting on it.
[She rests her face in one hand and taps the surface with her other fingers lackadaisically.]
If it had been a few years earlier, that might have happened. I've mellowed out, believe or not.
no subject
I almost think I'd have liked to see that, though I don't know that it would have been worth the consequences.
[Certainly a sight, however, and he can't say the dean doesn't deserve it, especially given some of the things he's heard. The dean is probably fortunate he hadn't lived up to his whispered reputation regarding certain inappropriate behavior in this case— Gale might not have been able to stop himself from doing something more than scolding.]
So you're saying that was the calm, relaxed Amelia Steinbeck? Well, that certainly offers some perspective. I— pardon, I should make sure this isn't anything urgent.
[He feels his phone vibrating where he had slipped it into his pocket upon her arrival, and shifts to pull it out so that he can see who's messaging him.
Almost immediately, he wishes he hadn't.
Ariel Manx
Gale, exactly WHAT did you say to Dr. Raphael? What's this I hear about threats?
It is the first of several messages. Those that follow aren't nearly as mild, and he furrows his brow, setting his phone on the bar face-down.]
no subject
[Even if the dean definitely deserved it, the consequences would have fallen squarely on her. Assault charges anyone? Reality's ugly head rears itself for the reckless.
Before she can even quip back, Gale takes out his phone. In the meanwhile, their drinks are served, so Amelia partakes in her whiskey sour while not so subtly glancing over at him checking his messages and taking note of his reactions.]
Mind if I ask what it is? Bad news?
no subject
It would seem word of my butting heads with our friend the dean has already reached Dr. Manx. She has some rather choice words about how that reflects on our department.
[He's prepared to handle the consequences of his actions, but he would rather be reprimanded by anyone else, quite frankly.]
A problem for another day. Given we stand on the side of academic integrity, I don't regret it for a moment.
no subject
[There's some silence on her end. Her question is preceded by a sip of her beverage before she sets it down and pushes it to the side.]
I wanted to avoid unnecessary questions and... Well, this may be much after what you've just done for me.
[She purses her lips, but decides to just let it out.]
How involved were you with Dr. Manx? From what I've observed, things between you seem personal. To say the least.
[It didn't take a detective to notice the layers and to Amelia, it sounded like an open secret she was yet privy to.]
no subject
[That day may as well be today. Besides—]
We're friends, yes? We should be able to be honest with one another.
[At the very least, he doesn't seem to feel she's overstepped, but he does steel himself for what's to follow by taking a long pull from his glass. It helps, marginally.]
Most people in our department at least know that we were involved professionally— part of the same research group at a different university some years ago, doing work that made quite a few waves in our field. Ariel— Dr. Manx— has always been a very private person, for better or for worse, so it wasn't quite so well-known that we were involved personally, as well, though I never cared to keep it secret.
[He pauses to take another drink, and his gaze is fixed on the rows of bottles in front of the mirror behind the bar, rather than looking directly at her. An air of heaviness seems to settle over him, and the lines of his face harden ever so slightly.]
Professionally and otherwise, I built my life around her. Doing so turned out to be a grave mistake. As you can probably imagine, learning she was coming here to take over as dean was not exactly glad news.
no subject
So what she had surmised back at the library as true; it was an involvement of a personal nature and it hadn't ended well at all. He said he built his life around Dr. Manx; Gale's dedication wasn't only to his work, but in whatever he poured his heart into the most, including people.
Including herself.
How much have I hurt him already?
Loyalty to a person isn't foreign to her. In fact, it's eerie how much she can relate even if Amelia expresses herself differently from him.
But the way Briar had hurt her clearly wasn't the same as whatever Dr. Manx did to Gale.]
Were you taken advantage of? Because of your closeness?
[Dr. Raphael had alluded to it; Dr. Dekarios' shaken academic integrity, being discarded by Dr. Manx... The pieces are taking shape in her mind.
This is why, to Amelia, work and love don't mix. Lines cross and become horrifically entangled and it would appear Dr. Manx did not have second thoughts about leaving someone in pieces.]
In the end, you're still here. Why work in the same department, much less the same university with someone with whom you have bad blood with?
no subject
Taken advantage of... perhaps. I never saw it that way, then. I might now.
[Hindsight often brought with it great clarity.
Ah, but Amelia asks all the right questions, and he shakes his head.]
Stubbornness, I suppose. Like yourself, Dr. Manx is a new arrival here— shipped in fresh from Baldur's Gate to fill a vacancy at the start of the term. Before then, it had been some time since we'd crossed paths. Two years, perhaps? [It felt like an eternity, when he remembers how he had spent the first several months of that stretch, especially.] I've been here for years, working hard to build my career— I'm up for tenure in the next couple of years, for goodness' sake. I suppose I don't feel I should have to leave.
[Not when she's come to his territory. It wouldn't be fair. He exhales, giving Amelia a wry smile that doesn't reach his eyes.]
Of course, she doesn't think there should be any bad blood between us. She thinks I'm being unreasonable, I expect. That messy business with the article discrediting my work, the unreasonable class load I've been pushed to take— I'm certain it's all with the intent of getting a rise out of me.
no subject
... As an unreasonable woman myself, I think I have grounds to say that she's one herself.
[Her hand pulls her glass to her lips before continuing.]
Or I should say, unreasonably vindictive.
May I ask what ended your relationship to begin with?
no subject
[He laughs softly, a hollow sound before he takes another long drink from his glass. Undoubtedly, that explains a fair bit about the state she'd found him in that night, out drinking alone, restless, grateful for the pleasant distraction.
As for the rest— even if she hadn't asked him, he'd intended to tell her. Until now, he had really only spoken about this at length with Tara. His own mother didn't know all the details; largely because it had been more than just painful, but it had been humiliating. Even now, he looks back and sees wasted years and a man who had been so certain of himself that he'd been unable to see what was right in front of him.
He lowers his glass again, his expression somber as the heavy bottom of the glass softly clicks against the bar.]
We were together a long while— well over five years, and had known one another even longer. I couldn't imagine there was anything I wouldn't have done for her. The vindictive woman she is now is, in many ways, entirely foreign to me. I thought we were happy, that we were both precisely where we wanted to be, and I was so sure that we wanted the same things. I asked her to marry me.
[He takes in a sharp breath. Another drink, and he averts his gaze from her again, unable to look Amelia in the eye for this next part.]
That turned out to be a problem when I learned she was already married— had been for years, even before we had met. I found out rather abruptly when she brought her husband to a benefit, after years of keeping him a secret— from me, from everyone. I think... the fact that he had apparently known about me all along made it worse, somehow. More humiliating. He didn't even consider me a threat to him.
[He very, very quickly downs the rest of his drink all in one go.]
And even then, she tried to convince me that I should be happy to continue things as they had been, that nothing had changed, and I was furious for having been lied to and made a fool of. I can't say I cared for being made party to adultery, either.
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Gale... Gale, that's just...
[Never mind her own role post-relationship; she's taken in by the enormity and immorality of it all. What on earth was going through Dr. Manx's mind? It's completely alien to Amelia, who, for all her faults, recognized that Gale's qualities as a scholar, as a teacher, as a person of integrity were genuine. He hadn't spoken of his ex-lover because what they had meant that much. Spurned as he was, it hadn't gotten in the way of how they became friends after their own stumbling beginnings.
She swerves in her seat, her head shaking vigorously.]
You did not deserve that. What the hell was sheโ what is she even thinking now?
[Her voice has gained a tight, frustrated edge. She was angry on his behalf. It wasn't fair; Amelia's own part during their first encounter made her feel even more agitated, having wanted to use her time with him for purely selfish reasons though she had no way or reason to want to know what had ailed him.]
Did she expect you to just... Continue with the affair? Didn't any of your feelings matter to her?
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His glass empty, he rakes his fingers through his hair, a faint twitch pulling at the corner of his mouth as he casts an appreciative glance at Amelia.
It's nice to feel heard, even if it's been over for ages now.]
I don't know that I'll ever understand her reasoning, even if she thought to explain it to me.
[It's complicated, he knows; all of it is made so much worse by the fact that he knows what they had shared had been real, as much as it could have been when Ariel had, apparently, not been willing to let it become a facet of her 'real' life. They'd spent so much time together that she had, more or less, taken a five year vacation from her marriage, and he had never been the wiser.
Nothing has ever made him feel quite so stupid as learning that particular truth had.]
I think it's safe to say that my feelings didn't matter much at all. It's been— tense since she came back here, to say the least. I'll admit, there was a long stretch after all of that where I was... [He gives her another wry little smile.] Let's just say I doubt you would recognize me, if you had the chance to meet that Gale today. It was much easier to put all of this behind me when she wasn't here, however.
[The damage done during that whole affair still ran deep. How had he been so blind? What was more— why hadn't he been enough? Why hadn't she loved him enough to be honest with him, to tell the truth and then to choose him if she had been so unhappy with her marriage?
Why hadn't he been good enough? What could he have done differently?
He hates that he still asks those questions, still doubts himself. It hadn't been his fault. Logically, he knows that, and given the chance to go back to how things had been before he'd known the truth— he wouldn't. Some things, however, defied logic.]
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Amelia purses her lips, hiding the grit in her teeth. Then she takes a deep breath and takes a large chug of her whiskey sour.]
Whatever you were like back then what all of this proves, I think, is that you are a much, much better person than me. If I were in your position, I would have burned everything to the ground. I don't know how, but I would.
[Again, don't tempt the wrath of Amelia Eva Steinbeck.]
Today, you're doing good work, Gale. You have your hands full, but I don't see it dampening your passion with your research. You're dividing your attention to your graduate group and your undergraduate courses and I have not heard anyone suffering for it.
Dr. Manx will exist within your gravity, but for better or for worse, you've made the load she's thrust upon you your own. She can't take that from you anymore.
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Believe me, I was tempted. Instead, I took some time off— disappeared from view, for awhile. My own mother didn't see much of me while I sorted things out. If not for Tara, I might have done far worse than sulk for a few months.
[Thankfully, Tara had helped him through the worst of it, kept him from letting himself become mired deep within his own misery for too long, from self-destructing yet further.
Now, in the presence, Amelia's reassurance reaches him. It is, somehow, just the thing he needs to hear, and he musters another small smile, this one more genuine than the last, his appreciation for her worn quite plainly on his face.]
Thank you for reminding me of what's important. I— don't know if I believe that I'm managing quite as well as you say, but if that's what you see, then I can only be as grateful as I am flattered. For all that she was involved in foundation of my career, I've earned my place here on my own, without anyone else's aid or influence. I don't intend to let her or anyone else undermine what I've done here— what I hope to continue to do.
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[There's nothing else to add, she thinks. From the sound of it, he really was fortunate for Dr. Prescott's interventions, whenever it may have happened. As for Amelia, herself?
... Well, she didn't make anything worse. They were friends now and maybe she's a better friend than she gave herself credit for.]
For what it's worth Gale, I'll be on your side for this, just like how you were on my side today against Dr. Raphael. I know there's little I can do specifically, but if anything happens in the future... I'll be there.
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[Some of the tension that had crept into his neck and shoulders eases from him.]
It was— good to say it all out loud, I think. I haven't, really, not before now.
[Even much of what Tara knew was because she had seen it all unfold, and she had been almost as outraged as Gale was, which made a great deal of sense when one considered just how protective she was of him, the familial nature of their friendship being what it was.
His friendship with Amelia was decidedly different. It was always going to be, given how it started out, but...
Even now, he feels the fluttering urge to reach out and let his fingers curl against her hand on the bar.
He resists.]
Likewise, you know. It wasn't just for today, or only when it's convenient. Should there be any further developments, any trouble... I'll be right behind you. Anyone who would seek to turn your passion for your work against you— that, I cannot abide. You're precisely the sort of person these students need.
[He looks back to his glass.]
One drink wasn't nearly enough for revisiting all of that. I'll have to open a bottle when I get home.
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I know I said one drink only, but if you'd like another, I'll pay our tab.
[She finishes her own drink and glances over at Gale.]
It's payback for lunch.
[And everything else, but saying it's for lunch is more convenient.]
I'll just have a soda.
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[He lets out a breathless little chuckle, shaking his head before he raises a hand with two fingers lifted to signal the bartender, then gestures to his glass.]
I'll not look a gift horse in the mouth, even if you don't owe me for anything. ... thank you.
[He's been saying that an awful lot, hasn't he?]
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What are friends for?
[When her cola is served, she swirls its contents around.]
The day is almost coming to an end and we'll both still be troubled academics. Not a bad outcome after everything that's happened to us, don't you agree?
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[He inadvertently mirrors her, leaning against the bar to rest his chin in his hand, nodding his thanks to the bartender when his drink comes. He takes his glass and holds it up to toast when Amelia's soda is served, his smile pulling to one side.]
To academia, and the drama that seems to be inherent within. The things we suffer for our passions, hm?
[Because at the end of the day, there's no denying that they are both devoted to what they do, that this is a calling for the both of them— not simply a job.]
If I must be a troubled academic, at least I can do so with a friend.
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